sunday blues

Today has been challenging.

Breakfast: 1 wholewheat pitta with 2 tsp of peanut butter and half a banana.
Lunch: Pastrami, rocket and cream cheese dressing on sunflower-honey bread.
Dinner: Spaghetti bolognese with beef, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms and red peppers with 40g pasta.

Lunch was completely unsatisfying. I've been trying lately to not make bread the centre of any meal. I do eat (and enjoy) my carbohydrates, but I prefer them to be an add-on to my lunches and dinners rather than the main element. I like my meat and fish and vegetables to be central, and the bread/poatoes/pasta to be sides. The sandwich was eaten at a roadside cafe (an unusually beautiful cafe full of hand-hewn wood furniture and open log fires) and it was mainly bread. The fillings were pretty minimal (1 slice of pastrami, a few leaves, a drizzle of cream cheese dressing), and I was still hungry when it was finished. I felt very irritable and distracted. I really wanted sugar to go with it...chocolate, Coke, anything. I find that white bread sometimes has this effect on me. But I was craving salty snacks too. I was so unsatisfied that the urge to binge started to rise with strength in me. I felt very angry all the way home. I took a nap and this helped to overcome it somewhat, although this definitely continues to be a difficult day in terms of food. I have eaten my dinner and already I want to have other things to eat. :(

The weather is also atrocious. I never used to find the bad Irish weather a problem. Why? Because I would make myself a hot chocolate and have a few biscuits (that's cookies to the US readers) with it, or some buttery toast and marmalade, tucked under a blanket. Food was my comfort for every last inconvenience. Now I can just have the blanket but for the most part need to forgo the biscuits and snacks. For someone who has used food as an emotional crutch since they were a child, this is very stressful.

Not much "funny" in this blog lately.