fail numero uno

Well, I had my first round of emotional eating last night for the first time in over 7 weeks. Thankfully it didn't reach binge status, but I wasn't physically hungry at all (I had eaten my dinner), and was definitely looking to fill an emotional gap left by arguments, tiredness and the ED.

I was helping out at youth group where there was an array of treats. This included apples, melon (these laid out especially for me!), popcorn, Jaffa Cakes (these are like little soft chocolate-orange cookies), jellies and cashew nuts.

I completely ignored the fruit. I ate about five jellies, 2 Jaffa Cakes, a handful of popcorn, a handful of cashew nuts and 2, yes 2, cups of hot chocolate (it was the instant variety, made with hot water). I don't think I've ever actually had more than one cup of hot chocolate in a sitting before. The hot chocolate was so sweet and warm and filling...I immediately felt peaceful after drinking it. That is the clear, clear sign of emotional eating - having your emotions soothed by what you've just consumed.

I guess as failures go, I failed reasonably well. I am determined to do my best not to repeat this. It isn't as though I ingested a lot of calories; I probably broke even for the day. But I had no intention of eating, and then I found myself compulsively, mindlessly putting the food in my mouth. I was also reminded how good it feels to emotionally eat, which is totally destructive to my goals. Why is this process so complicated?

Eats today:

Brunch: Banana oats with cinnamon, raisins and peanut butter. 1 boiled egg with two slices of granary toast.
Dinner: Probably yesterday's leftovers - pasta bolognese.
Snacks: I'm packing some fruit as we head out possibly to the cinema and for some walking around the city. I may also have a soy latte while we're at it.

Here's to a brighter, better week.