fat, but good enough

It's been a nice day so far; coffee and walks with friends; lunch at a good restaurant. Yesterday was a little bleak: although the urge to binge was not a big problem, I found myself feeling extremely low, and even angry, about the weight that I am currently at. I caught a glimpse of myself in an "honest" mirror (i.e. one where I have not already composed my features and am facing it head-on) and got a load of the misshapen body which at my age, should be in great condition.

Over the last number of years I have come a long way in accepting myself, and also seeing myself as more than simply an unsolvable weight problem. Generally, I like myself well enough. Yesterday though, harked back to some of my darker days when I genuinely felt like the world's ugliest woman. It was the first day of its kind in this process.

I got through it (a) with the unfailing support and kindness of the husband unit and (b) by contradicting my own negative thinking at every turn. I also napped, which always seems to help me. :)

Today, all seems brighter. I am on a journey: I can do no more than this. I have reached this point before (or something similar to this point) where I have had some success with weight loss or whatever, and then gotten a "glimpse" of myself somewhere, usually in a photograph (oh the pain that photographs have caused me). This would fill me with such despair that I would eat and eat in order to squash the feeling down. Not this time though. In fact, and this is a big deal, my impulse was not to binge at all, but to talk it out. Which I did.

Breakfast: Cinnamon raisin bagel with half a banana and peanut butter.

Lunch (out): A Caesar wrap, and a handful of my husband's fries.

Snack: 1 square dark chocolate.

Dinner: Salmon fishcake with green salad dressed with chilli and lime, and crushed baby potatoes with lemon, parsley and a little butter.