official weigh-day

The scale read 241.6 today, which is a loss of 1.6 lbs this week.

midweek malaise

Today has been a very glum day. I got up around 7.45am with the Husband Unit for our usual prayer and breakfast, although for once, I had no appetite for breakfast and just managed a cup of tea (very unusual for me). After he left for work I went back to bed for an hour. The hour turned into three hours and it was almost midday when I woke, after a stream of bad dreams.

In the afternoon, when I was still in my pyjamas, the doorbell rang. It was a delivery man, with an enormous bouquet of spring flowers for me! I couldn't believe it. I assumed immediately it was from my husband, as that is exactly the kind of thing he does for me all the time. The card however was unsigned. It simply read; " A little colour for you :) ". I would take a photo, but my camera isn't working. Suffice to say it's a very extravagant and gorgeous arrangement.

If the person who sent me this is reading, please, please let me know who you are. This is not the first time I have received a beautiful anonymous gift and while it's wonderful, it's also frustrating. Somebody has just blessed me and I want to know who! And I want to thank them and let them know just how their gift brightened my day. Thank you, whoever you are.

The flowers encouraged me oddly enough to get dressed and get something to eat.

Brunch: Large wholewheat pitta with 2 tsp jam, 2 tsp crunchy peanut butter, a medium banana and a handful of strawberries.

Dinner: Chicken breast, stuffed with goat's cheese and wrapped in ham, baked, served with cranberry sauce, roast potatoes, gravy, broccoli and carrots.

Planned snack: The husband unit is bringing home a small treat later - either some Malteasers or a little bar. I plan to enjoy this with a nice cup of tea.

After a couple of weeks of general vexation, I have decided I am going to re-start the job search in earnest. I can't go on like this, with no routine, forever. I scan the job adverts most days, and apply for one here and there, but I think I actually need to get out into the city with a hundred CVs and just apply everywhere with "Staff Wanted" signs. I need work, man!

easy naan bread

I made home-made naan breads last night to go with our curry. They were surprisingly good, although they weren't much like the kind you'd get in an Indian restaurant. Soft though, slightly crumbly and with a wonderful warmth, taste and texture. I made two small naans, and only ate half of mine. The husband had the other half of mine today with his lunch. I wish I had a photo, but the camera is dying. :(

Makes 2:

1 tsp dried active yeast
1 tsp sugar
100g plain flour
pinch black onion seeds (nigella seeds)
1/8 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tbsp groundnut oil (any oil is fine)

1/2 tsp dried coriander leaf

1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 tbsp plain yoghurt
1 tbsp milk

1. Set oven to 140 degrees

2. Mix sugar and yeast, and add a tablespoon or two of lukewarm water. Mix briefly and allow to get frothy.

3. Mix dry ingredients together.

4. Mix all wet ingredients with the dry, including the now-frothy yeast mixture.

5. Form a dough and knead briefly.

6. Put the ball of dough into an oiled bowl and cover with a damp cloth. Leave in a warm place for 15 minutes until it's almost doubled in size.

7. Knock the air out of the dough and knead briefly. Form two balls and roll them out on a floured surface into two ovals, about half a centimetre thick. Mist with oil.

8. Bake for 10-15 minutes until risen and golden.

9. Eat!

lime and garlic prawns with bruschetta

So our post-gym lunch was a bit spectacular. However the camera died while taking photos of it, so I only got the first bits, which is too bad, because it really was a feast for the eyes.

Serves 2

Ingredients:

280g raw prawns (shrimp), headless, without shells, de-veined

1 lime

Fresh coriander (cilantro)

3 cloves garlic

5 tomatoes

2 small ciabatta rolls (or one larger one, split in two)

Olive oil

Balsamic vinegar

Salt and pepper

1. Put your prawns into a shallow dish. Crush two cloves of garlic and add to the dish. Finely chop some fresh coriander and sprinkle it over. Slice your lime in two and squeeze out all of the juice into the dish. Stir well and put in the fridge to soak up the flavours.

2. Next take your array of beautiful tomatoes.

Chop them up to the size you like, and mix in a large bowl with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. Set aside to allow the flavours to develop.

Yum

3. Slice your ciabattas in half and spray with olive oil. Place under the grill (broiler if you're American) ready to crisp up in a few moments.

4. Heat up a cast iron griddle pan (or any pan if you haven't got one of those) and mist with olive oil. Throw in your prawns and cook until pink and tender (about 3 minutes). While they are cooking, toast your ciabatta and rub the toasted side with a cut clove of garlic.

5. Plate up. Using a slotted spoon, load the tomato salad on top of the garlicky toasted ciabatta, with the lime shrimp alongside. Eat!

This was so good. I followed it up with a hot cup of tea and a Digestive biscuit.

chewsday

Planned food for today:

Breakfast: Toasted bagel with cheese, raspberry tea.
Lunch: Raw prawns marinated in lime juice, garlic and coriander, and charred on the griddle pan, with a mixed tomato salad on a slice of garlicky ciabatta.
Dinner: Chicken and vegetable jalfrezi with brown rice.

I'm really looking forward to our lunch-time salad. I went to an organic market yesterday and picked up five beautiful tomatoes of all different colours, shapes and sizes. The most beautiful one is the tiger tomato which has vivid green stripes! I plan to chop the tomatoes in a gloriously colourful haze, and toss them with olive oil and good qulaity balsamic vinegar, and pile them on top of a slice of lightly toasted, garlic-rubbed ciabatta. I'll take a picture (more for my own pleasure than anyone else's).

The Husband Unit is making dinner with an organic sauce we picked up in the same place. He's a nervous cook but I think he's got all his plans in order for this one. :)

I'm going to the gym this morning. I plan to give it 100% today. Some days I feel like only a little stroll on the treadmill, and then working hard at lifting. Today however marks 5 days until I run the 5k I've signed up for and I want to up the ante a little. I've walked 5k and more many times, but I would love to be able to run at least part of this race. It is my first official race and I would like, also, not to come completely last. Please Lord provide an old lady or somebody in a wheelchair for that particular honour. :D Although having just typed that, I realised that there are probably thousands of old ladies and wheelchair-users out there with better cardio health than me. :) Ack. I am nervous about being horribly humiliated.

Group therapy tonight.

fail numero uno

Well, I had my first round of emotional eating last night for the first time in over 7 weeks. Thankfully it didn't reach binge status, but I wasn't physically hungry at all (I had eaten my dinner), and was definitely looking to fill an emotional gap left by arguments, tiredness and the ED.

I was helping out at youth group where there was an array of treats. This included apples, melon (these laid out especially for me!), popcorn, Jaffa Cakes (these are like little soft chocolate-orange cookies), jellies and cashew nuts.

I completely ignored the fruit. I ate about five jellies, 2 Jaffa Cakes, a handful of popcorn, a handful of cashew nuts and 2, yes 2, cups of hot chocolate (it was the instant variety, made with hot water). I don't think I've ever actually had more than one cup of hot chocolate in a sitting before. The hot chocolate was so sweet and warm and filling...I immediately felt peaceful after drinking it. That is the clear, clear sign of emotional eating - having your emotions soothed by what you've just consumed.

I guess as failures go, I failed reasonably well. I am determined to do my best not to repeat this. It isn't as though I ingested a lot of calories; I probably broke even for the day. But I had no intention of eating, and then I found myself compulsively, mindlessly putting the food in my mouth. I was also reminded how good it feels to emotionally eat, which is totally destructive to my goals. Why is this process so complicated?

Eats today:

Brunch: Banana oats with cinnamon, raisins and peanut butter. 1 boiled egg with two slices of granary toast.
Dinner: Probably yesterday's leftovers - pasta bolognese.
Snacks: I'm packing some fruit as we head out possibly to the cinema and for some walking around the city. I may also have a soy latte while we're at it.

Here's to a brighter, better week.

sunday blues

Today has been challenging.

Breakfast: 1 wholewheat pitta with 2 tsp of peanut butter and half a banana.
Lunch: Pastrami, rocket and cream cheese dressing on sunflower-honey bread.
Dinner: Spaghetti bolognese with beef, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms and red peppers with 40g pasta.

Lunch was completely unsatisfying. I've been trying lately to not make bread the centre of any meal. I do eat (and enjoy) my carbohydrates, but I prefer them to be an add-on to my lunches and dinners rather than the main element. I like my meat and fish and vegetables to be central, and the bread/poatoes/pasta to be sides. The sandwich was eaten at a roadside cafe (an unusually beautiful cafe full of hand-hewn wood furniture and open log fires) and it was mainly bread. The fillings were pretty minimal (1 slice of pastrami, a few leaves, a drizzle of cream cheese dressing), and I was still hungry when it was finished. I felt very irritable and distracted. I really wanted sugar to go with it...chocolate, Coke, anything. I find that white bread sometimes has this effect on me. But I was craving salty snacks too. I was so unsatisfied that the urge to binge started to rise with strength in me. I felt very angry all the way home. I took a nap and this helped to overcome it somewhat, although this definitely continues to be a difficult day in terms of food. I have eaten my dinner and already I want to have other things to eat. :(

The weather is also atrocious. I never used to find the bad Irish weather a problem. Why? Because I would make myself a hot chocolate and have a few biscuits (that's cookies to the US readers) with it, or some buttery toast and marmalade, tucked under a blanket. Food was my comfort for every last inconvenience. Now I can just have the blanket but for the most part need to forgo the biscuits and snacks. For someone who has used food as an emotional crutch since they were a child, this is very stressful.

Not much "funny" in this blog lately.