eats

Breakfast: Banana oats with raisins, peanut butter and raspberry jam.

Lunch: Barbecued spicy ground turkey kabob with yoghurt sauce, a little barbecued chicken and some spicy mixed vegetables, with spinach, mixed leaf, cucumber and tomato salad and 1 slice of garlic bread. Mixed fruits for dessert (blueberries, strawberries, apple and mandarin).

Dinner: Steak and ale pie with broccoli and green beans.

fud

Breakfast: 2 egg omelet with onion, ham, mushroom and tomato.

Snack: Rhubarb yoghurt, strawberries.

Lunch: Leek and potato soup, 2 slices of tomato bread with butter. Coffee and 1 chocolate snack bar.

Dinner: Barbecued chicken breast with courgette, red and green peppers and aubergine. Barbecued banana with a teaspoon of Nutella.

The weather is FANTASTIC here. It's been nothing but sunbathing, walking, barbecuing and profuse sweating. Good times!

Also, my husband looks great in shorts!

overload

Ack, it's been a rough couple of days in some ways, but still good days. There has been a lot of food. I am determined not to add a moral value to what I have or haven't eaten. It is quite difficult to type it all out when I look at it honestly, but here it is.

Food yesterday (Friday):

Breakfast: Cinnamon bagel with peanut butter.

Lunch: Small wholewheat pitta with ham and light cheddar, 1 apple.

Dinner: Baked fish and oven chips.

At a hen party (bachelorette party): 2 Chinese chicken balls, a handful of jellies, a handful of honey-roasted nuts, a dark chocolate Rice Krispie bun, 4 chocolate-dipped strawberries, 3 glasses of white wine.

Food today:

Breakfast/brunch (continuation of hen party): 3 small grilled pork sausages, 2 slices grilled bacon, 2 slices white pudding, 3 small pancakes, maple syrup, strawberries, coffee, orange juice. Several chocolates.

Lunch: Onion bagel with light cheddar.

Snacks: Packet of Tayto crisps, 1 dark chocolate Rice Krispie bun.

Dinner: 5 slices of a 1-person-pizza, some potato wedges with garlic sauce, 1 beer. 1 ice-cream sundae.

I can honestly say that none of this was emotional eating. But it sure was a lot of food.

Moderation. Consistency. Vegetables... these are the things I need! :)

snacktastic

Boring post ahead (nothing new there says you). I am still snacking! After lunch I had a strange sensation where it seemed like I was craving some fats. That's why I went with the chocolate and cheese. (Well, that's my story and I'm sicking to it.)

Sometimes when I am hungry I know that it is not true hunger and I can sit it out, or have a glass of water or a cup of tea. Lately though I really have felt flickers of genuine hunger between meals. I do think it's hormonal, but I didn't feel the same way at this time last month, so I don't know. Anyway, it seems that I have hunger I can ignore, and hunger I can't (shouldn't?) ignore. That's what I experienced an hour after lunch today. It can be satisfied with small snacks thankfully, but I think somewhere I still think of snacking as the gateway to binging, which is not true. People who have a normal relationship with food snack all the time. I just need to make a concerted effort to have plenty of healthy snacks around the house.

Breakfast: Chicken Caesar bagel with rocket and red peppers.

Lunch: 2 soy veggie burgers (not good), on 1 bun, with light cheddar, onions and ketchup. I didn't finish my second burger. 1 apple.

Snacks: 2 squares dark chocolate, 1 slice light cheddar.

Planned dinner: Not sure yet. I'll update later, but I'm thinking we might get a Chinese take-away, oOoOoh.

Edit: We did get a Chinese takeaway. We got a chicken curry with boiled rice, some chips (fries) and some prawn crackers, all of which we shared. It was still a huge portion each - how did we eat a full portion before?! Anyway I am very full and satisfied now. We are off to a farewell party so I am looking forward to a glass of wine. G'nite!

official weigh-day

Today the scale read 237.6, which is a loss of 1.8lbs this week.

If I can get to 237 or lower next week, I will be officially out of the "severely obese" category. Small victories... :)

keeping on

I spent the day at the zoo with my friend and her daughter. The sun shone and we were generally a happy trio. I snacked a little more than usual. I am hungry this week!

Brunch: 1 bagel, toasted, with 2 grilled rashers and 1 egg. I made berry smoothies, but I didn't like the yoghurt I used in them (fat-free bleurgh), so I only drank a few sips.

Snacks: 1 apple, 1 kids-size ice cream cone, 5 pecans, 28g raisins, a few bites of melon.

Dinner: Fajitas made with chargrilled steak, sliced, with mixed peppers and onions. I made a good spice mix for these (salt, pepper, a little brown sugar, garlic powder, paprika and chilli) and we ate them with salsa, sour cream, a little light cheddar and warm tortilla breads. I just had one tortilla but lots of steak and veggies. Yum.

I have several things to get through this evening; hopefully, all going well, including a trip to the gym. Ta-ra!

fat, but good enough

It's been a nice day so far; coffee and walks with friends; lunch at a good restaurant. Yesterday was a little bleak: although the urge to binge was not a big problem, I found myself feeling extremely low, and even angry, about the weight that I am currently at. I caught a glimpse of myself in an "honest" mirror (i.e. one where I have not already composed my features and am facing it head-on) and got a load of the misshapen body which at my age, should be in great condition.

Over the last number of years I have come a long way in accepting myself, and also seeing myself as more than simply an unsolvable weight problem. Generally, I like myself well enough. Yesterday though, harked back to some of my darker days when I genuinely felt like the world's ugliest woman. It was the first day of its kind in this process.

I got through it (a) with the unfailing support and kindness of the husband unit and (b) by contradicting my own negative thinking at every turn. I also napped, which always seems to help me. :)

Today, all seems brighter. I am on a journey: I can do no more than this. I have reached this point before (or something similar to this point) where I have had some success with weight loss or whatever, and then gotten a "glimpse" of myself somewhere, usually in a photograph (oh the pain that photographs have caused me). This would fill me with such despair that I would eat and eat in order to squash the feeling down. Not this time though. In fact, and this is a big deal, my impulse was not to binge at all, but to talk it out. Which I did.

Breakfast: Cinnamon raisin bagel with half a banana and peanut butter.

Lunch (out): A Caesar wrap, and a handful of my husband's fries.

Snack: 1 square dark chocolate.

Dinner: Salmon fishcake with green salad dressed with chilli and lime, and crushed baby potatoes with lemon, parsley and a little butter.