go underdogs!

Last night we went to the cinema to see "The Blind Side". I really enjoyed it. Apart from it being a genuinely great (and true) story, it was refreshing to see Christians portrayed positively in a creative medium for once. I know we deserve our bad rep, but hey, there's good stuff there too.

At the cinema I had a 46g bar of Galaxy chocolate. It was great.

Food today:

Breakfast: 2 small slices of apricot bread, 100g of yoghurt with a tablespoon of blueberries, 1 slice of light cheddar and a handful of grapes. A mish-mash, but really good.

Lunch: 1 egg, 2 tablespoons of baked beans and 2 slices of poppyseed toast.

Snack: 2 mandarins, 1 square of 85% dark chocolate.

Dinner: Fish pie (made with salmon and prawns) topped with mashed potato, and lots of steamed broccoli on the side.

Post dinner: I helped Kevin make a cake for our niece's birthday party tomorrow, and I ate 3 Malteasers and then I licked the spoon. If you know what I mean. :)

Today I have been quite hungry and have had to operate some self-control with portions. Most days I don't feel physically hungry except right before mealtimes (this does not diminish the constant urge to binge, which remains present, whether faintly or at a high volume, almost all of the time). I am off out to the pub now to spend the evening with some friends. I won't be having any alcohol as my kidneys couldn't take it right now, but that's ok. I know I will be tempted by the crisps and peanuts. I don't know what to say about that because I have a "no deprivation" policy. If I really want some, I'll have some I suppose. A small portion of nuts never hurt anybody...except for all those people who've gone into anaphylactic shock and you know, died. Cheers everyone!

official weigh-day

So the scale this morning read 247.2, which is a loss of 3.8lbs this week. Again, very surprising. I really have denied myself nothing. Except binging.

Kidneys still giving me jip.

And I didn't get that job I applied for. I'm ok with that.

Food:

Brunch (1pm): Pumpkin banana oats with cinnamon and peanut butter, and a sesame bagel with light cheddar.

Snack: Grapes.

Dinner: Chilli con carne (beef, onions, peppers, tomatoes, garlic, kidney beans and spices) with all the trimmings - rice, salad, corn, salsa, sour cream, cheese.

eats

Breakfast: 1 boiled egg on 1 slice Polish poppyseed toast.

Snack: 1 square 85% dark chocolate and a handful of strawberries.

Lunch: Small white roll stuffed with home-made egg mayo (leftover hardboiled egg, mashed, and mixed with light mayo and sliced scallions), ham and baby spinach leaves, with 1 slice of light cheddar and a handful of grapes.

Snack: 1 small slice apricot bread (this is wowza).

Planned dinner: Home-made burrito. A flour tortilla stuffed with spiced minced beef, onions, lettuce, tomato, spicy rice, salsa, refried beans and light cheddar, baked briefly and topped with sour cream.

I'd like to go to the gym, but I still have kidney pain (!) and after just a one hour stroll today, I am wiped. An evening in with the soaps it is.

all alone in the moonlight

At therapy last night I was reminded of a great memory.

When I was about five years old, my mother bought me a bright yellow tracksuit. It was one of those hideous eighties tracksuits, with the round-neck collar, and cuffs on both the wrists and the ankles. The front sweater read "If you think I'm cute, wait til you see my Mummy!" I don't think I got the joke on the front myself, but the adults around me always found it hilarious, so whenever I was wearing that tracksuit, I felt like a million dollars.

One sunny day (it must have been a Sunday...or during my dad's summer holidays from work) I was wearing my yellow tracksuit, complete with ugly navy eighties plimsolls and red-rimmed plastic sunglasses. I thought I looked so stunningly fantastic that I dragged a deckchair into the front garden and there I sat, in front of the garage, on display for all of the neighbours to admire. This not being enough, I summoned my dad from inside the house to come out and take a photo of me, thus providing proof of how phenomenal I looked, for all time.

That photo still exists, and in it I am gazing toothily up at the camera, all scraggly-haired, legs crossed, a la sophisticated women in high fashion images the world over.

It is an aim of mine that one day I will feel again so unselfconsciously fantastic that I will be dragging somebody out into the sunshine to take photos of my fabulousness to be immortalised forever.

souperb

Dinner last night was soup - horrible, horrible soup. The waiter asked me why I hadn't finished it and I said "because it's crap". He laughed. I laughed. Oh how we laughed.

I went to the doctor this morning because I have been feeling funny for a few days. It turns out I have a kidney infection! Nice. No wonder I was feeling poisoned. I have been complaining of "hip" (I now realise it was pelvic) and back pain for a while. My urine sample was chock-full of all kinds of goodies like excess protein, blood and nitrites. She's put me on a course of antibiotics for a week. Wonderful drugs; sure we'd all be dead without them.

Breakfast: 1 slice of cheese and 5 grapes (rushing).

Snack: 125g rhubarb yoghurt and a handful of strawberries.

Lunch: Chicken breast and home-made wedges (that's right, no veggies! *slaps own wrist*).

Planned dinner: Pumpkin oats with cinnamon and peanut butter.

I've had a few wobbly moments. Last night as I was on my way to meet a friend for a bowl of disgusting soup, not yet knowing that the soup would be foul, I considered going for a sneaky Burger King before seeing her. Nobody would know. I'd probably lose weight anyway. What harm? What harm? I am planning to secretly stuff myself with junk food just before meeting a friend for a meal and I ask myself, what harm? I didn't do it, although I really wanted to. Again, I considered (a) confessing to it here or (b) lying about it here by omission. Neither option seemed good. Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against the odd hamburger and fries meal. Just, you know, not in secret. And not just before your evening meal.

Then this morning, after two hours in the doctor's surgery surrounded by poorly behaved children and their incompetent parents, I went to the supermarket to pick up some fresh fruits and vegetables. Being peckish (having only had a slice of cheese and five grapes) I almost reached for a packet of low-fat Hula Hoops. Then I actually paused and looked at them in my hand. I realised that they weren't really food, and that they would neither satisfy my hunger nor nourish my body...although they might manage to rise in me in insatiable urge to eat more salty snacks. So I bought a package of strawberries and ate some of those on the walk home.

I think I need a nap now; I am not feeling so hot. We ordered a skip to throw out a bunch of old crap we have lying around. Being the sad domesticated old cat that I am, I am actually excited about that. There is nothing I would rather do right now than throw piles of rubbish into the giant metal bin in my front garden. But I'm just too tired! And I want to save a little energy for group therapy tonight, which always takes it out of me.

Thanks for reading, beanpoles!

thank you fibre cubes

Bowel feeling better. Not perfect, but definitely a little better. Hurray! I think the best word to describe how I was feeling yesterday is "poisoned". Today I feel bright, although tired.

Breakfast: Banana oats with 1tsp crunchy peanut butter.

Lunch: Steak, with onions and mushrooms, green salad, and half of a roasted potato and some squash.

Dinner: I'll be out, so I'm planning on soup.

Right, I'm off to go sit in a stylish cafe with my notebook and pen, looking all pensive and romantic, as passers-by ponder the contents of my thoughts.

i got guts

The day was fine emotionally, but physically I'm not 100%. My digestive system is up in arms (I've had IBS for the last 10 years or so, and am currently enjoying a flare-up), and that really wears me out. I went light on the food today.

Breakfast: Melon and berry salad.

Lunch: Slice of rye bread with 2tsp of crunchy peanut butter and a small banana.

Dinner: Prawn and mixed vegetable stir fry, with about 25g of basmati.

Post dinner snack: Mug of soy hot chocolate.

The husband unit drove to Liffey Valley earlier to get some IBS remedies in Boots, cos he's great like that. Hopefully tomorrow will be more normal. Poop ahoy?